Marrying Intercaste

Marrying Intercaste
What do you say marriage? How do you explain marriage? Is marriage a compulsion? Should marriage be social?
I seriously have no idea how you describe it, how you answer these questions. I am not yet married to explain you the entire thing either. Take it for an assumption, you are Hindu, and then would you dare to marry Christian? Would you even dare to love Muslim? You know this that there has to be relation within the two souls, and there has to be proper understanding as well. But still at some point or the other, our some portion or mind or heart I don t know seeks for the spouse belonging to our own caste. This is the story of an inter caste marriage, just inter caste not inter religion and the troubling thing.
--
Priya and Shrawan fell in love when they were studying bachelors together. Nothing abnormal, like Sugam sings in one of his songs Kapi Satda Satdai Man Satiyeko pattai vayena (Didn t knew when heart got exchanged while exchanging notebooks). They became couple within a year of their college, and the relation went strong. No one knew if they have had internal conflicts then, but from the vision of any third person the relation was perfectly fine, and there used to flow sayings like 'made for each other' from various mouths. Although, Priya was from Indian Marwari Community, and Shrawan was from Nepali Brahmin community, their love was never troubled by their caste, and the relation went on blooming with the passage of time. Dates, movies, travels were taking a speed. Commitments, sacrifices, planning were moving ahead. And the relation was moving as a whole.
Bachelor degree's love gift continued till their master's level as well. Master's studies made them serious regarding their future. It was during one of the date, Shrawan found Priya kind of serious; he could easily predict her seriousness from the face as he was used to it.
'Hey what happened? Why are you serious today?' He asked.
'I know it's something stupid to lie you, but I am thinking of something ' She said.
'Should I ask what are you thinking of?'
'No but I really love you, and don t want to leave you .but '
'But what? Continue '
'Do you think our family will be accepting us? What have you planned for our future?'
'Yeah, they will, they have to ' He said.
'Don't worry, just trust upon me, nothing wrong will happen to us and now smile please '
Priya's smile made the day okay, but her voice kept on running on Shrwan's mind.
'Do you think our family will be accepting us? What have you planned for our future?'
The question within his mind again replayed. Again went on, this time it went on with split
'Do you think our family will be accepting us?'
This reminded him of some family incidents where caste played a role.
--
It was year's back, when his uncle was getting married. Uncle's marriage is the nearby relation, so being brother; his father had to make several arrangements thereby. His mother was invited from week ahead for the preparations. While his father was busy at activities like distribution of cards, hospitality to guests his mother used to be busy in kitchen, helping grandmother and other aunts. His big father's families were there as well. Again he could see peoples from in laws as well, and the gossips was on at kitchen, and peoples around were busy with their own talks. His uncle, through bride, was busy with the arrangements as well.
He then found new peoples as well there by, and they were helping there somehow or the other. He didn t bother to care who he or she was, but was busy flirting some new girls of his ages around. His cousins were helping him in this by teasing him, and it was kind of fun. He could not join fathers in cards, so brought all cousins together and played cards at some time. Mean while, he found a married lady entering into the gate, and it was obvious to see her as the lady was beautiful, though married. He wanted to know who she was, but had no one to ask for it. He asked cousins but they didn t know them either. Lady got into the kitchen, and began helping women's group. Since he and his cousins were getting hungry, he went into the kitchen to bring them some food. The kitchen was divided into two parts, on the very first entrance it was marbled floor, and open place, fridge at the corner with television at the top of fridge. Long mat was spread in the floor where some were busy mixing something, some busy cutting vegetables, some engaged in preparing salad, some in what and some in what. He could also see the newly married lady there by busy at some task. He predicted the room as dining room, because the cooking room was inside it, where his mother actually was cooking something. Before anyone of them saw them, he heard his big mother saying ' but she is from Chhetri society.' He did not hear her full sentence though, and grandmother told ' Take her out anyway; she should not touch anything there.' He had no idea who they were actually talking of, and signaled his mother to come out for a while. He asked for some food, and asked who the new lady was, and she told him that she was the wife of Biplav, Pramod uncle's elder son. She even told him that she was from Chhetri community and was creating trouble to all, now they could not drag her out making her ashamed, so were in confusion regarding how to take her out. He did not bother to act hero with the anti caste thing, because he knew they would rather curse him, and went back to cousins.
Later, almost after an hour, he saw her out of the kitchen sitting all alone and watching others work. He first thought maybe she was going through her periods and was not allowed to enter into kitchen, but when he saw her face, it made him clear. Not to let her be alone, he went to her
'Namaste! I am Shrawan, son of Bikram and Pramila' He said.
'Namaste, I am '
'I know you are wife of Biplav dai haina? He comes to our house every Dashain, and I am sure this he will bring his newly married wife as well.'
'Okay, what do you do?'
'I am studying Bachelors at Mahendra Morang Campus.'
'Why are you not there working?' He again asked.
'Because I don t know how to cut vegetables for such grand things, I can do it only when I am in home cooking for few' she then said.
He now understood the real story, as they were already planning to kick her out, they made an excuse that she didn t know how to cut and threw her out. 'Is cutting vegetables for four and for forty done in different style?' He wanted to ask, but shut his mouth. Mean while, his cousins came and said to continue with the card thing; and he first introduced her to his cousins and then took her as well to play the cards.
--
'When the caste discrimination is found in my family itself, how can I ignore it?' He then thought. He knew there would be discrimination even if he married to Chhetri, and he was thinking of a girl from Marwari community. Thoughts like 'At least we both are Hindu, we both pray to Gods' came into his mind to create hindrance to his previous thought, but could not win. Marriage should be socially acceptable as well. But he could not ignore his love, he could not leave her either, and then thinking of her question, ' Do you think our family will be accepting us? What have you planned for our future?' again came into the mind. Answer to the first question would not be satisfactory, he knew it, because it was not within his hand, but he atleast had to be responsible for the second answer, he should at least have some plan.
'If my family accepts us .'
'If my family does not accept us .'
Well, even if his family would accept the marriage, they will have to go through other's discrimination. He could not sleep well despite of various turnings on his bed that night.
'Don t worry; our love will get its destiny, just focus on your studies now!' He said to Priya next day when they met. With the strong determination, Priya tried to console him as well.
Two years and from then, both got jobs as well. Standard Chartered Bank was the place where Shrawan got job, and Nepal SBI Bank was the place where Priya got engaged into. Although both tried to get into the same bank, but discovered that they will be sending out to one, at least they could live in the same city and meet when so ever they want, thinking of this they worked in two different banks in the same city.
'Son, I am alone, even your cousins are married, don t you think it is time for you as well?' Shrawan's mom once told him while providing him lunch before office.
'Mom I can understand, but '
'It is okay if you have a girl, but I think you should see you now even earn of your own.'
'No mom, that is not the problem '
'What is it then? Tell it to me!'
'Some other day I am in rush now' he said and made an easy escape.
Saturday would be free for them, so this time after a real long time, they went to Dharan, nearby city, forty kilometers away from theirs and sat down at a temple.
'Priya, have you talked about me with your family?' he asked.
'No, but I have gave a symptom telling Shrawan is my best friend.'
'And what was their response?'
'Not theirs, I know they are not satisfied, but my mom can't be negative towards me, but I seriously don t think my father will be..'
'So?'
'Actually, my mom even told you to bring in house.'
'But why didn t you call me?'
'I don t want my dad to be rude to you so. I think my mom can at least predict that I am in relation with you, she just guesses I guess.'
'My mother told me it's now time for marriage, but I had no clue how to say about you.'
'Well, I think it's time for both of us to be bold enough and my mom wants to meet you, seriously.'
'But how?'
'I think we should make arrangement somewhere out, and it would be better even if you try to bring your mom, so that both can at least talk and make out some predictions.'
--
It was Rath Yatra, the next day of Krishna Janmastami, and our parent's meeting day as well. They had no clue, but everything was as per the plan. Since his mother and her mother, both would go to the temple, they arranged time and went. SMS was acting as the means of communication.
'Where are you? Come near the bell, bring your mom, we are standing here' he sent SMS to her, and hence she brought her mother thereby.
'Hi Priya!' He said.
'Hi!'
'Meet my mom, mom she is Priya, and Priya, this is my mom!'
'Namaste Aunty!' she said, trying to be as formal as she could.
'Namaste, and aunty this is my mom mom this is my friend, I have told you about him..Shrawan Shrawan, this is my mom!'
'Namaste Aunty' he even said trying to be as formal as he could.
'So you both study together isn t it beta?' She said, 'Beta' showed her marwari tone thereby.
'It is too crowded, the rath is about to move, I don t think I can move a bit.' Shrawan's mom said.
'Even I think so, I don t know why, but every year it is getting more crowded.' Priya's mom and then said.
'You come here every day?'
Both began to talk, and at the same time Shrawan and Priya got away letting their mothers to talk for a while.
'I guess it is working, see they are talking.' Priya said.
'Yes! Let's hope it will be positive!'
They then went back to home, and they had to be to office from the very next day.
Two days later,
'Is Priya what you wanted to talk?' Shrawan's mom asked him while serving him breakfast before office.
'Mom she '
'She is a nice girl, her family seems good, and where does she work?'
'Nepal SBI bank.'
'Well I talked about her to your dad as well, he is positive!'
'You want to get married?'
'Yes mom '
'Since your father is positive, I don t want to be something as hindrance, but you should have at least cared for the caste thing.'
'Mom, she is Hindu '
'I know, but even if we accept her, do you think her family will accept you? See, Marwaris are so rich.'
'I don t know that mom!'
'Does her family know it?'
'Her mom, she has some idea, but is not sure of it.'
'Okay, even if they accept you, do you think your uncles and aunts will accept you?'
'But, why should everyone accept her? I just need blessings from you two!'
'I know, but at any social gatherings she will be ignored, can you tolerate that?'
He knew his parents will now not say no to her, but they were not satisfied from their inner heart as well. He even Thanked God, for not letting the situation of 'Family vs Love' trouble them. He knew his mom was more dissatisfied than his father for his choice as well.
'Mom! I have to leave, talk to you later bye.'
He again made an easy excuse thereby and went. He was happy at least his family was aware of Priya by then.
--
'I don t think my dad and mom will say no to you, however they are dissatisfied with my choice, and I know it.' He said to her on their next date.
'Thank God, they at least would accept us!'
'Did you talk with your parents? What was the progress?'
'My mom is supporting me completely, but my dad '
'What did he say?'
'He does not want to bring anyone except his caste, and he is determined!'
'So what do you think should we do?'
'I don t know, I need to talk to my mom seriously.'
'You haven t still?'
'I have she even asked if I could leave you, and when I was determined, she takes my support, maybe she fears if I do anything wrong!'
'Forget it take this I have a gift for you! It is from my first salary ' Shrawan then gifted her key ring!
'Buddhu what is this?'
'Keyring '
'For?'
'Right now for your personal use and later for our household use!'
'Ooohhh .thats so sweet '
'Umm .at least you should have kissed!'
'No Nothing before marriage!' She said turning her face bold.
'Uff .seems like everything will get old by then!'
She laughed!
--
Things with confusion and troubles were moving ahead, and the time was taking a speed as well. It had already been three years and his family had no symptom to get satisfied over his decision. Again her father did not show any changes in mood too.
'Hey Shrawan, I need to talk to you where are you?' Late evening at nine, Priya called.
'I am at home why? What happened?'
'You probably are with your family members, I will call you after five minutes get out of your house or go to your roof top where no one can hear you talking.'
'What is the thing? Tell me '
'It is serious, first find a safe place I will call you after five minutes!' She said and cut her phone off.

Five minutes was as if five hours for him, and finally the phone came out after five sharp minutes.
'What happened? I was with my family.' He said.
'Yes! I took you out, and I am going to take you out from today itself.'
'Kidding? Tell the matter!'
'My father went Delhi for a week.'
'So ?'
'Let me complete my sentence I talked to my mom, and she wants me to elope!'
'What? Are you mad?'
'No, see think it seriously, female needs to get married soon, I know it is not a rush for you, but for me it is....and the other members don t want me to get married to you!'
'But all of sudden? How would I manage? And how can I bring you home in such a rush?'
'No I am not coming to your home '
'And??'
'We both need to run away from this place! See, they can easily find out if I sit in your home, and above all, your family members would not be satisfied from inner core as well.'
'And?'
'My mother has suggested me to go Darjeeling, and settle there.'
'Where in Darjeeling?'
'We need to take a bus tomorrow early morning, and then we will be there by evening! And that night we have to stay in lodge '
'I don t mind if it is a single room' she again said in shy tone!
'Hey don t get mad!'
'I am not mad! It is do or die, we won't get chance like this '
'Money?'
'You have around three lakhs currently, and I have five! It is not possible to take all of them out through ATM, so you take out forty five thousand and I have already taken out forty five thousands! Remaining, we can do it later!'
He used to spend amounts useless for drinks time and again so his bank balance was low when compared to her.
'So are we leaving our jobs?'
'Yeah duffer! Are you going to work like servant for ever? It was you who used to say, I am going to create job, not seek job. Forgot? At the time of impressing me?' He actually said it.
'And what should I say to my parents?'
'Oh! You are a guy, you have complete freedom! Tell them that your friend has come from US and he is at Kakarvitta, and by the time we cross border, say them we are out to Darjeeling for short trip!'
'And?'
'And what?'
'About us?'
'They won't let you go I guess if you say truth, so first tell it, and when we reach there, we will invite them there itself, and I promise I am going to marry you infront of your parents!'
'And yours?'
'They won't come and am damn sure!'
'Uff '
'I have packed my things you first go and tell your dad and mom a lie, and pack your thing! Tomorrow sharp at five, bus station is where we will be meeting!
She kept the phone!
Everything was like a dream, an earthquake for him! He could not even imagine how his mind moved from the television which he was watching earlier to this stage! He laid his parents, packed his stuffs and reached station at five.

Priya was already there, and even her mother was. Both of them came in their private car, mom probably knew how to rotate the steering wheels.
'Beta ' she said, and kept her hands on my hands!
'I could not give anything in dowry, but take this ' she took out her gold locket from her neck and handed to me. He had no clue, what to do.
He kept the ring in Priya's neck and said 'Don t worry I will keep her happy!'
'She keeps on irritating but don t get irritated!' she again said me.
'Hya mom! I won't! Don t worry about me, handle the situation in home!' she said like Eminem sings his song!
We got into the bus, and left city. She was happy, even he was, but he was getting responsible with every rotation of wheels.
He could not lie his parents after reaching Kakarvitta, and said everything to his mom! His mom tried to explain at least he should have let them know, but how could he?
'Don't worry mom! I think I should be responsible enough now!' He said when he felt his eyes wet.
'And please handle the situation in home you have to come in our marriage!'
'Where are you going to marry?'
'I don t know mom, but where so ever we are, we will let you know it is her parent's whom we have to run away with!'
'But all of sudden .how did you?'
'I will explain you later, and don t worry about us; we have enough money with us!'
'Bye mom and please handle the situation in home!'
--
They crossed border and reached Darjeeling as per the scheduled time. Booked two rooms, and stayed there.
'Why did you book two rooms?' Priya asked.
'When we managed for years, why should we lie to our souls at this moment?'
'Ahem Ahem so someone getting with macho attitude?'
'Shut up!'
'Tomorrow we are going to search room .Oops! Sorry! Rooms for rent tomorrow!' she said.
'Yeah, but let us rest today!'
Next day, they went for room hunt task, they could not get any. After three days, they finally managed to get two rooms with the help of hotel's staff, and they got in. They managed basic things for staying there, no beds, but bed sheets, they slept on floor purchased gas and just things required!
Week later, they came Kakarvitta again to take out their money! Through cheque, they took out their entire amounts. Gave resignation and both called their home. Shrawan's family wanted to help, they suggested to go to some aunty's home in Darjeeling, and was seeking the best way to help them. Priya's mom handled the situation, but his father didn t want to hear about her since then. After being back, they first opened grocery shop, and then married at the temple where they used to date in Dharan. Priya's mom came making an excuse that she will go to her friend's house, and Shrawan's parents were present there. To make it legal, they even had court marriage. Legal and social husband and wife got biological and hence they went back to their rent.
Shrawan's parents wanted them to be in the home itself, but they were determined. Their grocery shop expanded, and was in satisfactory condition. Priya again got job in bank in Darjeeling itself, and Shrawan used to get busy with grocery thing.
It had been three years now, and Shrawan's mom was cooking food for Priya and her grandson. Shrawan was at the shop, and Shrawan's dad was helping his son in the shop. He managed to create job for dozen of new peoples in his shop. Shrawan had the plan to open caf in the market area. They were happy. Society could not discriminate them, as they were in their self created society. Society could not ignore them, because they ignored the society. And the best part of entire story is Shrawan, Priya and their son; of three months are invited by Priya's family on this Deepawali!